saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize