I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
