All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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