Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize