I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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