She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
