Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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