My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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