I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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