i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
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