Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
