We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize