What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
