yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
the day after is always just damage control
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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