Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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