You're my little dorito
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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