how can u be prego again
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
