yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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