I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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