He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
