U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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