But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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