jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
