just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
