My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
