I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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