If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
