Michael Bay diarrhea
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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