In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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