Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
