i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
