Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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