you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
