I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
