watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
