Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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