I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
When did angry sex become our thing?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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