i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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