for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
