yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
