and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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