the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
