Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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