Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
