my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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