two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
