Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
