when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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