You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
