I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
