hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
