why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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