Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
