btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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