Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
