Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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