so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
