The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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