my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
