So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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