Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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