just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
