I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Quick, to the slutcave!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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