it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
