Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
