I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm both gender and math confused
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
