he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
NoShamevember. You game?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
