My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
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