Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
