Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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