The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
