WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
