the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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