The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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