My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
