From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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