you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
