Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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