I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
