Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize