Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
