you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
